So much life.
It's like there was an explosion here, when I look at my dA page. The last real piece of digital art I've created was Tempest of the Gods. That was 6 years ago. I sort of touched it up since then, a couple years ago I think. Besides that I haven't had the space, time, or resources to spend on deepening my relationship with the skills I was developing through this art. I'm going to tell a little story, because it offered me something I had never really grasped before.
I felt like I could finally see a vision of what my inner eye could see and feel.
A permanent imprint in my temporary time.
Soaking it in, in the time that came to follow I was overcome by the unfoldment of the universe and swept away in life.
My priorities had been changing. My life had begun to reflect deepening intentions that I was dynamically rendering in a dialogue I was having with my own potential. I continued my rollercoaster and wildly transitioned into a new lifestyle and became much more open with others. At a crest, I was caught in an extended moment of flow, synthesizing together everything I had learned up until then and combined it with mostly all new resources I had freshly created from scratch. What sparked this, though...was the day prior, when I had finally sat myself down to really use Apophysis to get some high-yield nebulae structures. Maybe you know how random that thing is with its list of samples to mess with...I was prone to surfing them and tweaking at the time...somehow these few sprang out in rapid succession, I saw them, and felt something like Tempest was possible but I did not truly know What it would be/look like!! I set them to render maxed out in as big a format as my system could tackle, and let them sit overnight.
When I woke up to check them...it was just too gorgeous! I couldn't stop myself. I dove into photoshop and spent 15 hours straight, with some breaks for stretching and food etc, but still like it came out all at once, from my perspective! In Jordan time, that was all one blink of time&will. It's so so so strange to have the vision and sense for something that you've not actually seen before then, until you actually create it, or someone else does...but I digress. It happened, it's possible.
I tweaked it a little bit at first the next day. But it was done. I was literally struck awe at it. I know it sounds dumb, it's My art. I don't care. It's more than just an image, it's a relationship too, right? Between it and the beholder. As all art is. That alone warms my e-heart. Except in this specifically, in order for me to have created it, it would have to be that the Tempest originally beheld me in this chain of involution, as it is not a thing I have ever seen before.
Maybe it's no big deal, artists do this kind of thing all the time! It's called imagination!! Duhh- ...Well sure. But how many of us truly grasp what's happening in the process of creation? In any medium. I mean that. Imagination is a factor. However, that realm of thought is poorly explored and deeply exploited. This was created from a blank slate. I had 100% absolutely NO idea or vision of What I was sitting down to Make. No preconception. I was in an experience with myself as I pulled all the elements together into one thing. Of course I was making it happen, but I'm trying to tell you this was some kind of glimpse into another realm, impression, or symbol of something that resided deep at my center. Something my flesh and blood eyes have Never seen before, emerging from a space in a void I had not known existed in this physicality.
I could look it straight in the eyes.
I felt like I was eye-gazing with it when I looked at the centers...not unlike sungazing in the last few hours of light. But it was truly more like eye-gazing with a friend/loved one, which I Recognized by proxy as having the same Root as myself and I.
That's what I'm getting at.
To put it more simply,
When I look at Tempest, I feel I am looking at a photograph of my own soul.
It shocked and awed me!
I couldn't even think about making anything after that.
I could only really See this burned in my mind. So I moved on from the art. I allowed life to pull me away and take away the opportunity to use the tools I had invested in, for the sake of general and divergent growth, rather than specialization. It is something I yearn for now, my glorious handbuilt tower--as I write this journal from a small business-class refurbished laptop. Among other things.
They don't necessarily matter, but they were good tools that worked well together in that moment to allow me to see my insides with 75% more fog-cutting crystal clarity power.
Pure fuel. Self-propellant
I have retained my vision over these years.
I have returned now.
It is time to begin again.