I have 3 or so entries on myspace about existential and philosophical stuffs.

One in particular involves the four classical elements: earth, air, fire, water - and has become a very big part of my life. Problem is, as I think more and more about my beliefs and the fact that i *have* beliefs at all, the more i realize that I can't sway myself from believing them on the basis of science, logic, and reason. I've brainwashed myself, at least thats the way it would seem to someone else. To me it's the most logical and reasonable explanation in league with what I've experienced. So I couldn't do that even if I wanted - which I really don't - unless I was presented with something to prove me wrong. Any of it. Then I would question my life again.

Wait wait wait no. I'm always questioning my life. That which I believe in is a result of all of that. That's the way it's always been...So ok. Let me rephrase all of that. Despite the fact that I've held an empiristic outlook on existence and all of its vagaries and even infinity itself, I feel like I've reached a plateau of questioning. It should make me feel proud and accomplished or something, I'd think, but in fact it's very annoying. Feels like I'm settling for an explanation instead of trying to see if that explanation is fallible. Which is contrary to the pursuit of knowledge and understanding.

I guess I'm in a transition; going from one state of mind to another. From control and preciscion of knowledge and understanding, to free-flowing acceptance of my life on this amazing little planet in the middle of nowhere, under an actual star [have you seen that thing?], hurtling 30 thousand meters per second through space, drifting through time. And all of it with my soulmate of all people, at this age. It's hard, because I've gone my entire life so far needing to know what's going on around me, and inside my brain. And subsequently everyone else's brain. The whole world. All of existence. Etc. Ad nauseum.

So. Here I am. Living. For almost two decades. With 6.6 billion people. And I couldn't be happier.

You know what, forget I even wrote all that.